I feel like I’ve been in a cave avoiding the world for the past few months.
Part of it is realizing who are my real friends and who disappear when times are tough, the other part is being fired so my employer doesn't owe me or the 45 other people unemployment. But life is looking up, I’m self employed now and making more than my previous employer had me thinking I’m worth.
I've also discovered that when you put two really good friends in an apartment together they will eventually rip each other to shreds for the very hope of self preservation and because of this thought I can now forgive my actions as well as the actions of my once friend and roommate.

Eventually we all have to move on; we either lose friends by moving away-repeatedly telling ourselves that we will keep in touch; the lie never truly coming to the surface- or by seemingly shutting ourselves away from everything else. I am guilty of both, the latter being the most recent. When a job consumes you so much you forget there not only if a world beyond the glass doors and disintegrating facade, but that you can still have a life that has nothing to do with said job it's time to stop and reevaluate. Either lose the job or lose the life style, for one or the other is destroying the very fabric of who you are.
In this economy it is probably best to keep the job, so change the life style. When you're at work you're at work and when you're not let go of it. Find an hour in your day to separate that part of your life from the part that is not changed to a desk and locked inside a cubical. Go to the gym, sit down and watch mindless fluff, or heck just stare at the four blank walls in your whitest room for an hour. It doesn't really matter just find something to separate the you who works and the you who never says can't.


By learning this I have discovered a better me. A less stressed out and almost never depressed me. I'm eating better, feeling better, and hey I’m looking better (dropping 20lbs and a dress size, I'm ecstatic). Live your life free of I can't because the truth is, that can't is really a won't. Everyone is capable, but willing is a whole other matter. I strive now to be the best me and that's what I offer, that's what makes my life worth every second-good and bad.